Things I nearly wrote

You fail only if you stop writing.

Ray Bradbury

It’s been about 70 days since my last post.

These are things I have been writing and deleting:

1. Changing the dream.

2. Selling out: The reality of “changing the dream”.

3. Why am I here or: Casting directors who flirt with your audition partner.

4. Anxious Sunday nights.

5. Coconut flour.

6. The death penalty.

7. Andrew and Myuran.

8. Mercy.

9. Rehabilitation.

10. Is this really the world we live in?

11. Nauru.

12. Children in detention.

13. Australia needs more lectures from the UN, please.

14. Real Australians Say Welcome.

15. Is this really the world we live in? (part two)

16. 90s Hip Hop is the greatest Hip Hop.

17. Fake it till you make it.

18. Thoughts on being a 34 year old babysitter or: $20 an hour just doesn’t cut it anymore.

19. Walking home, alone.

20. Cats.

21. Itchy feet.

22. School Assemblies.

23. To the person who tried to steal our car.

24. How many cups of tea are too many cups of tea?

25. Writers Block – The Return.

26. What is the point of this blog anyway?

27. Finish something goddamn it.

28. Hit the publish button.

29. Something is better than nothing.

30. that’s what my psychologist said when I told her I was concerned about doing enough exercise in a day, you know, sometimes you just can’t fit it all in and she said, don’t be so hard on yourself, just think something is better than nothing so even if you just a walk around the block that’s great because that’s something but now I find it hard to even fit in a little something every single day and I worry because if something is better than nothing then what is nothing … nothing is … nothing is nothing and I need to worry about that … surely …

31. Nothing

32. my grandad said nothing is at the end and he seemed OK with all that until nanna died but you can’t truly change your mind when you’re an atheist unless, you know, someone from the “other side” comes over and tells you “hey, there is something” which then completely undoes all that need for faith upon which all this is (conveniently) built and you wouldn’t believe it anyway because you’re an atheist and you can’t truly change your mind on that sort of thing, can you? Besides, we have all seen City of Angels and know the awful consequences of those sort of “visits”.

32. City of Angels.

33. Where are you, Meg Ryan?

34. I’d rather be in New York.

35. I’m doing this wrong: 30 minutes and 20 drafts to create one tweet.

36. Being quiet.

37. Anxiety.

38. Nothing. Again.

39. …

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8 thoughts on “Things I nearly wrote

  1. Hi Katy,

    I’m glad to see that you didn’t delete this time and followed through to post this item. I have this affliction, too, when it comes to posting on my blog. What’s causing your difficulty in finishing the thing you start?

    Part of my problem is that I’m a perfectionist. I always believe there’s more I could and will do with a particular piece of writing to make it encompass everything I have in mind, to make it the definitive first and last word. As a result I have several pieces I’ve started but never finished over the past year, things that would be interesting blog posts if I had narrowed the scope a bit and fashioned an ending, even if it’s simply to state that I have more I’d like to say on the topic later. My story of last summer’s confrontation with the gun nuts in my neighborhood, which I mentioned to you previously, is one example. When school ends later this month for summer break, I absolutely, positively will finish and post that story. I am making that promise to myself.

    I do think some projects deserve an almost-obsessive care and attention. I’ve been writing fiction in grad school in recent years, and I don’t want to submit these stories to literary journals for publishing consideration until they’re as good as I can possibly make them. Of the six or so short stories I’ve written in the past two years, only one of them is finished to my satisfaction.

    I think this trait stood me in good stead in my newspaper career, too, but for my blog I’d like to be quicker on the draw. My underlying problem is simply lack of time for the blog, with a full-time job and grad school in the evenings.

    I hope “Things I nearly wrote” re-opens the floodgates for you because I enjoy reading your blog. You certainly don’t seem the type to give up, so I’m expecting all great things in the future. You have a tremendous talent that I suspect cannot be contained for long.

    Yours in the fight,
    Sonny Bohanan

    • Hi Sonny,

      I’m with you. I really think it is the “perfectionist” thing creeping in and maybe that just won’t do in the world of blogging. Maybe in a blog it is OK to have half-finished thoughts and messy ideas … Maybe. I mean, recently my wordpress reader was full of posts about [spolier alert – if you’re into that sort of thing … which I am not] Dr McDreamy meeting his demise in Grey’s Anatomy and I thought to myself; if these people feel it is OK to fill cyberspace with this kind of stuff then maybe it is OK for me to add my two cents worth about something too. Does that make sense?

      However, in saying that, I never feel I can write quickly enough. Something happens (for example, the big news over here in Australia was the recent killing of two of our citizens in Indonesia – they just faced the death penalty. It was a huge injustice, a tragic loss and completely unnecessary) and I so badly want to write about it but I never seem to get out what I want to say quickly enough. Your work in the newspaper world must be a good foundation for writing quickly – getting the response out to the world before they have moved on to the next thing or, before you cannot really add anything new to the discussion.

      And, yes, it is also the challenge of time – time – time … I am going to attempt waking up half an hour earlier to get something done in the mornings. You have to suffer for your art, right? 😉

      I am very much looking forward to reading your piece about those “gun nuts” – I understand why a piece like that needs more attention and work (and any work for literary journals and the like).

      Thank you so much for your support, Sonny. It really means a lot. And post some of your short stories – even if it is just the opening paragraph or a messy first draft or something. We’d love to read them.

      Katy

  2. Hi Katy,

    I really like that idea — posting excerpts of my fiction. I hadn’t thought of it. That shouldn’t disqualify the stories from being accepted by a literary journal, right?

    I went back and reread your short story “Temporary” yesterday. It’s really lovely. Charlie and Sam are such loveable losers, a couple of real sad sacks. You captured both the comedy and the tragedy of their small lives so well, especially Sam’s. Have you written much fiction lately?

    And, yes, we must suffer for our art — or at least get up half an hour earlier, which equals suffering no matter how you slice it.

    Thanks for encouraging me to post my fiction. I’m finishing up a semester-long poetry workshop in the next week or so, and I’m planning to torture my readers by posting some of my poems, too.
    So beware!

    Once the semester ends later this month, I’ve made a vow to post to my blog regularly this summer, which I guess is winter for you. Since I have three months off school, it’s going to be a time of heavy writing and blogging.

    Sonny

    • That’s so great to hear, Sonny!

      I am very much looking forward to the poetry.

      And thank you so much for your kind words. I am still writing a bit of fiction and really should stop being so scared of that publish button and go for it!

      🙂

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